The Wisdom of Trust
The creation of Adam and Chava on the sixth day, inaugurated a short period of intellectual and spiritual grandeur for man, a grandeur that lasted for no more than six hours.[1] Then it was shattered – not by Chava or Adam eating from the forbidden fruit of the Eitz Hada'at, but because their union was compromised by the poison of mistrust.
Adam and Chava were super-intelligent. They were "arumim" (Chakimim, wise, according to the Targum Yonattan). Their wisdom however was not vested in their individual beings but in the unit of their togetherness: "Vehayu Lebasar Echad" (and they will exist as a single being). "And they were, the two of them together, man and wife, wise." (Bereishit 2:24-25)
It is Adam who first compromises the integrity of their partnership. After Hashem instructs them not to eat of the Eitz Hada'at, Adam of his own accord uses the principle of siyag (a legal "fence" designed to make transgression less likely), and tells Chava that not only is eating the fruit forbidden but touching it is forbidden too. The snake (nachash) slyly proves to Chava that no harm results from touching the fruit, leading her to question the authenticity of the entire instruction that her husband purportedly received from Hashem. "Perhaps," she thinks to herself, "the entire instruction my Rebbi (this is the last time she refers to her husband as rebbi,) gave me, is a lie." (Avot DeRabbi Nattan 1)
Had Adam trusted Chava at the outset; had he taken her into his confidence, told her precisely what the Divine prohibition was and then taught her the principles of siyag, Chava would never have been seduced by the nachash. Had Chava trusted in her husband, she would not have succumbed to the snake's seduction. Insufficient trust shattered the purity of their union, diminished their wisdom, and opened the door to the snake.
Adam interpreted his role of husband as one of master rather than partner; his role of rebbe as controller rather than teacher. With the best of intention, he underestimates Chava, and deprives her of the right to understand Hashem's word precisely as it was given. Instead of reinforcing his role as husband and rebbe, he loses both his new wife's trust and the title "rebbe" that she had conferred upon him.
Separateness, Shame and Sin
When trust is intact and each party looks out only for the other, there is true oneness. Loss of trust introduces suspicion: "Perhaps the entire instruction my rebbi gave me is a lie." With suspicion Adam and Chava lose the oneness of their union; "otherness" is introduced into their relationship as for the first time each feels the need to look out for themselves too. No longer are Adam and Chava Bassar Echad, a single being. Now, albeit in relationship, they are two independent beings.
With separateness comes the possibility of shame. One only feels shame when one has experienced separateness. Adam and Chava's nakedness (the other translation of "arum", Onkelos's translation) was not a factor when they both comprised one being, when they were bassar echad. Now, in their alienated state of separateness where trust has fractured that oneness of being, they each experience nakedness before the other and before Hashem.
Mistrust and its resulting separateness have done more than create shame. They have also created the platform for the snake, thenachash, (according to Seforno - 3:1, an allegorical reference to theyetzer harah,) to launch its relentless attacks against Adam and Chava and all their future generations. Mistrust, suspicion, and the resulting need for self protection open the door to ego: man's enemy of his own uprightness.
Husband and Rebbe: Leader and Teacher
A husband does not dominate a subordinate; he leads a team. Leading doesn't mean controlling, it means influencing. Men are comfortable trusting their wives' integrity with regard to the kashrut of their kitchens. They can be equally comfortable trusting their wives' intellectual integrity and commitment to act in unison with their shared values and beliefs. That is what a team is; that is how a team works. By serving Adam an Eitz Haada'at dish, Chava shows him what destructive power woman has over man if she really wishes to undermine him. Trust is the foundation of respect, it is the cement of partnership.
In a similar way a rebbe doesn't control; he shares and teaches. Teaching doesn't mean dictating and issuing edicts. Teaching means explaining, imbuing others with understanding, and empowering them to make their own, well informed choices. By no longer calling him Rebbe, Chava shows Adam that when a rebbe bullies and controls, he loses his status as rebbe.
Smartness in Synergy
The word "arum" used to describe the intelligence of the Adam-Chava unit, is a word that implies strategic "smartness." This is the smartness that two people have to confront any challenge when they think and act as a team. This is the smartness that Adam and Chava lost when they lost their togetherness. Even today, when two parents act as a single unit of common values each more concerned for the other than for themselves, they find within themselves a divine intelligence greater than any knowledge they could have learned from any self-help book with which to raise their children. When the children sense a split, however, the parents lose that intelligence, and are outwitted time and time again by little people a fraction of their age and experience!
Adam and Chava were the first case of synergy: as a unit they contained a greater intelligence and human greatness than the sum of their individual strengths. But they could not sustain their greatness[2] as a couple showing each other unconditional trust and respect. They lost their togetherness and they lost the special intelligence with which they were blessed as a single unit. It is the challenge of every couple to claw their way back to the original Divine intention of marriage: Vedavak be'ishto, vehayu lebassar echad. veyiheyu sheneihem arumim – chakimmim – Ha'adam ve'ishto. And he shall become a companion (TY: veyitchabbar) to his wife and they will both exist as one being. And (once again) as a couple they will have wisdom, man and his wife.
Notes:
[1] Bereishit Rabbah 18:6
[2] Targum Yonattan
