"The Power of Pride"
I was the second speaker of the day. I walked up to the podium with a knot in my stomach. I was following immediately after Ian Thomas, an inspiring wildlife guide turned public speaker. His topic is "The Power of the Pride," showing how lions use pride as a tool of leadership. Ian enthralls his audience, and after he finished they were in no mood to listen to me.
The loud din eventually settled. In a quiet voice I asked the audience whether Ian had shown them how lions make each other proud and how they can make even baboons feel proud. They shook their heads quizzically. "You see," I said, "The reason Ian didn't show you that is because lions cannot make others feel proud. Only humans can. Making others feel good about themselves is a G-dly trait, it comes from the Divine within each of us. This is why we should not learn leadership from animals; we should learn leadership from G-d." You could hear a pin drop.
Feeling and transmitting emotion
The same applies to many emotions. We are capable not only of feeling a wide range of emotions but also of transmitting those emotions to others. This is the role of art. Art does not convey information. Art conveys feelings. Looking at a landscape of a scene you could never have been at, still allows you to feel something of what the artist felt as he or she looked at that scene. A great work of fiction can give you the feel of a place in the world or a time in history at which you could not have been present. Music and drama do the same thing.
We transmit not only positive emotions. We can transmit negative emotions too. We can radiate negativity, sadness, and cynicism just as we can radiate happiness, optimism and joy. We can demotivate people and we can uplift them. We all know the effect of being around people who are draining with their negativity compared to being around people who radiate positive energy.
Ve'ahavta lerei'acha kamocha ("And you will love your friend like yourself") requires not only that we do and want good things for others. It also requires that just as we like to feel good, we should transmit good and positive energy to those around us helping them to feel good too. Just as we like to feel confident about ourselves and have some fun, so we should inspire others to feel that way about themselves and enjoy their lives too.
The Joy of Love
Our responsibility to make others feel good applies in greatest measure to those closest to us, to those we love: our children, our husbands and most of all, our wives. The Rambam (Nashim 15:19) forbids a man from habitual depression and anger in his relationship! (Interestingly he does not apply the same stringency to women in this regard!) Part of a man's role is to bring joy to his wife on every level.Vesimach et ishto ("and he shall make his wife joyful") is a directive in our Parsha (Devarim 24:5). The Gimattria (numeric value) of the word vesimach, says the Ba'al Haturim, is 354; the number of days in the lunar year - less one. This indicates that a husband is required to bring his wife joy each and every day of the year (except on Yom Kippur when his focus is elsewhere).
However, according to the Targum Yonattan, the meaning of this verse is somewhat different. Much to the dismay of Rashi, the Targum Yonattan translates the verse with a minute but vitally important difference. He says that the word et in this verse does not indicate that the next word is the object of the sentence as et usually does, but that et in this case means "with" which it occasionally does. The husband is required to rejoice with his wife rather than to make her feel joy. She is his partner rather than the object of his joy-spreading!
Rashi objects on the grounds that the Hiphil form of the verbvesimach makes it a transitive verb requiring an object. If the verse were to mean what Targum Yonattan suggests, the word should have been vesamamch (and he will rejoice) rather than vesimach(and he will generate joy). It must therefore mean, says Rashi, that he will make his wife happy.
The Targum has a different way to deal with the Hiphil, causative, form of vesimach. He agrees, I believe, that vesimach means "and he will cause joy", he will radiate happiness. But not just to his wife. Rather, the Targum says, he will radiate joy to the world, to everyone WITH his wife. Leveraging off his own marital bliss he will be a beacon of joy radiating happiness out into the universe from which everyone will benefit. Positive energy is not limited by distance or boundary. A happy husband's positive energy inspires the whole world in some small way. This is the power of the individual; the power of human emotion and energy. Vesimach, and he will make others joyful, et ishto asher lakach, together with the wife he married.
The home and the intimate relationship between man and woman in that home, are the conditions for happiness. The couple's happiness adds to the world's happiness, their joy is the world's, their playfulness and fun adds to the level of playfulness in the entire universe. This is perhaps why the community is an integral part of a wedding celebration; it is a public occasion requiring a minyan. The community has an investment in every marriage for the happiness of every couple cascades into the lives of all of humanity.
Be joyous in yourself and in your relationship. Deal with negative stuff promptly and get it out of the way so that you can quickly get back to your happiness. Happiness is something you owe to yourself and to each other. Your joy uplifts us all. Indulge in it generously.
