Bereishit 12:1
Learning Values
Derech Erettz Kadmah LeTorah (Derech Eretz precedes the Torah) means a whole lot more than that being a “Mentch” is a precondition to Torah observance. It means that Torah has a context. Torah does not exist in isolation. Derech Eretz is its context.
Derech Eretz means more than being a “mentch”. Derech Eretz means a value system, a style of behavior that a person can figure out themselves without having to consult an Halachik text. And herein lies the problem:
I am currently engaged in a consulting project to a wonderful orthodox girl’s high school in the U.S. In the process of researching, teachers in the general st udi es faculty made an interesting but worrying observation. When they try to help the students articulate and explain their own (the students’) value systems, they mostly find them quoting from Torah sources without having integrated it into there own values and principles. The students have Torah knowledge, but do they have Derech Eretz, that wholesome sense of values that people need to have, independently of Torah sources.
This observation ties into another study I did among American Yeshiva High School Boys a couple of years ago. They listed among the three greatest challenges facing orthodox boys in the U.S. , the absence of a value system. At the time, I wasn’t sure what they meant. But their meaning is clear. They are taught Halachah. They are taught values as Halacha. But they are not taught values as Derech Eretz. They are not taught how to intuitively know right from wrong.
Often, as I meet with business people from a full spectrum of religions and cultures and different levels of education, I am struck by how many of them were taught values by their parents and are trying to teach them to their children. In sessions with me they often talk about how they teach their children what is right and what is wrong. The conversations they have about current events both in the National news and in their children’s own lives. Very seldom do they make reference to any text when they do that. They appeal to and help build their children’s innate, intuitive sense of right and wrong, of good and bad. They are building a foundation of Derech Eretz in their children. Too often in religious homes, those discussions (if they take place at all) revolve around texts from the Parsha or Halacha. We are teaching Torah, but are we also teaching Derech Eretz which should precede Torah? My father used to explain, that this Derech Eretz, this study that did not need a text, is what Sheim ve’Eiver taught in their academies so long before the world was given the Torah.
Learning from the Avot
It is for this reason that so much space is taken in the Torah of events prior to Matan Torah (the giving of the Torah at Sinai). Reb Issac Sher [1] quotes Reb Nota Tzvi Finkel as saying that any principle of common sense is as binding on a person as if it were written explicitly in the Torah. Often the Gemarra question’s the need for a Biblical source for an idea that is logically compelling [2]. Kayin was expected to know that he ought to have brought a sacrifice from the finest of his produce. Eisav ought to have known that it was not acceptable to call the broth his brother was cooking “this very red stuff”. Avimelech was punished for enquiring about Sara h’s marital status rather than about her needs for board and lodging, and so on. This is all Derech Eretz, and people can intuit it, without needing to quote chapter and verse.
Reb Issac Sher uses this principle to explain the Rambam [3]. The Rambam instructs us to pursue the “Golden Mean” between the extremities of behavior. Many ask how are we to determine where precisely that mean lies in each situation in which we find ourselves? Clearly we have innate knowledge of G-d’s will in these matters, and can use our intuitive common sense to access it. The Rambam himself says that this was the approach that Avraham taught to his children and disciples.
Accessing the Wisdom Within
To access this wisdom that resides deep within each of us, we simply have to remove the layers of expectations that society has artificially imposed upon us. We have to probe our own true and authentic thoughts and beliefs, expose those beliefs, challenge them and if they stand up to our own scrutiny, follow them relentlessly.
Perhaps this is a possible meaning of the first verse of this week’s Parsha: “Go to yourself”, says G-d to Avraham. Go on a journey of self-discovery. Find your own authentic soul, for in that place you will find me. “Go away from the expectations of your land, your birth-place and your father’s house (of idolatry)”. Strip yourself of those learned assumptions. Remove from yourself those social expectations. “And go to the space that I shall show you…” at the end of this journey you will find the place where you meet Me and My expectations of you. And then “ve’heyei beracha” – your being, will be blessed.
Exercise:
Preparation: Make sure that you will have 30 minutes of totally uninterrupted time. Remove or turn off phones and pagers. Find a peaceful place to sit. Think of an issue that is causing you a dilemma about the appropriate response. It may be a social issue in your personal life, a communal issue that you have encountered, or an issue of national or international concern. Have a pen and paper at hand.
In a quiet place at a quiet time, calm your mind by closing your eyes, breathing slowly and deeply in and out. As you do so focus all of your attention on the feeling of the breath as you slowly inhale and exhale. This calms your mind and allows you to feel intuitive wisdom. After focusing on your breathing for a few minutes (at least five), continue to breathe in the same way, but ask yourself a question about an issue that is causing you a dilemma. Ask yourself what do I feelabout this issue, deep inside me. Without reference to learned principles, to Torah texts, to my parents’ or teachers’ voices, what do I believe is the correct response. Stay with the first response that comes to your mind. Open your eyes and start writing without prior thought. Just right whatever comes to you whether or not it is connected to what you were just thinking. Allow your pen to move freely across the page. Even if you are writing nonsense just keep going for about two pages. Then, read what you wrote and savor the wisdom.
Notes:
[1] Leket Sichot Musar, Benei Berak, 5750, P. 58
[2] See, for example, Ketuvot 22a
[3] Dei’ot 1:7
