The Freudian Slip
The story of the Megillah, always on the edge of tragedy, is nevertheless peppered with poignant moments of hysterical comedy. The bulk of the comedy however is found in the pages of Talmudic and Midrashic material. This material gives even more life to the fairly brief recounting of the story as told in the Megillah itself.
One such moment occurs when Queen Esther has set the stage for her dramatic revelation of Haman’s complicity in the plot to exterminate her and her nation. Both her husband the King and Haman have arrived at her dinner party. The King is in a joyful mood and asks her what he could give her as a gift up to the value of half of his kingdom. At that point she asks for her life and that of her people, and intends to thrust an accusing finger at Haman who she identifies as the man responsible for the extermination scheme.
An almost tragic error occurs: she points her accusing finger at her husband instead of at Haman. Just in time, an angel comes and slaps her hand across to point at Haman as the culprit rather than Achashveirosh [1]. The moment is miraculously saved and tragedy averted – once again.
The Dual Conversation
Esther’s slip of the finger was what we would call a Freudian Slip. The Vilna Gaon comments that in fact Esther was engrossed in her ongoing conversation with G-d. In talking with G-d she was identifying Achashveirosh as the man most accountable for the Haman plan. After all, the buck stopped with the King. He elevated Haman and endorsed his plan. So, engrossed as she was in that conversation with G-d, her indication of Achashveirosh as the chief villain was the expression of her inner truth. In dialogue with G-d there is no diplomacy or political correctness. And stripped of political correctness, the accusing finger did need to be pointed at the man in charge, at the king.
Why then did the angel push her hand away and cause her to identify Haman as the villain? We all have an inner recognition of the truth, if only we can access the deep recesses of our souls where that truth resides. In our interface with the world however, we cannot always reveal that truth in its pure form. Many individuals and countless circumstances are simply not ready or able to handle pure truth and we often need to dilute the truth and sometimes sugar-coat it to make it digestible.
Recognizing Pure Truth Even when we cannot Express it
It is important that even as we interface with the world with our diluted truth, we simultaneously recognize the pure truth that resides deep in our souls. While we dialogue with the wimpish world in which we live, we should simultaneously be operating in the courageous world of pure truth. At all times we are conducting two conversations: one with the person opposite us, and one with our own souls and with our Creator. At the very moment that we put on a brave face for our children or our followers, we may recognize truth of the fear and vulnerability within ourselves. At the very moment we demonstrate courtesy to a powerful villain, we may recognize within ourselves and in our conversations with G-d, our repugnance of that person.
Esther was involved in just such a dual conversation. To Achashveirosh she was accusing Haman. That was the politically correct thing to do to save her Nation…and it was true. But it was not the pure truth. The pure truth was that the King should be held responsible. Esther recognizes both dialogues and lives at the intersection of both those truths.
In Parshat Terumah the Kelei Yakar points out a similar idea in an innovative reading of the instructions regarding the design of the Aron. He phrases the verse unusually as: You shall cover the Ark with pure gold on the inside; and you shall cover it on the outside. Implying, says the Kelei Yakar, that while the outside has to be gold too, the outside always has to be noble, elegant, dignified and aligned with the inside. However the degree of purity that can and should be found on the inside cannot always be expected on the outside. On our outsides we play to many agendas and expectations. On our insides there is no audience there is no agenda. On our insides there is only one standard: Pure Truth.
