Yom Kippur 5767

In my Rosh Hashanah essay, Life in Paradox, I wrote about the Katuv Hashelishi that explains paradox: even the paradox of human behavior - including our own. There is almost always a force, sometimes within us and sometimes external to us, that explains why we did things that without recognition of that force, appear absurd even to us. That does not remove from us our own accountability, but it allows for mercy, empathy, understanding. That is the understanding Avraham asks Hashem to apply on the Day of Judgment.

In the new Shiur series, Tomer Devorah, Shiur 5a, I took that idea further.  I explained the Meshech Chochma’s comment [1] that the donkey struggling under its load that we are meant to help is called “your enemy’s donkey” in Parshat Mishpatim, but in Devarim it ios called “your brother’s donkey”. He explains that before the sin of the Golden Calf, we were entitled to despise people who did not live the values of the Torah. Such a person is that“enemy” whose donkey is struggling. But after the sin, we were all flawed. Standards had dropped. Role-models were absent and we are no longer entitled to despise a fellow Jew for what they did or did not do. Yes, we can choose not to associate with them. We can disapprove of their conduct. But when they need us we should put our feelings aside and act for them. The Hagahot Maaimoniyot [2] says we are only permitted to despise a wicked person after we have attempted to rebuke him, and The Chazon Ish comments in the name of the Maharam MiLublin [3] that nowadays everyone is in the category of not having been properly rebuked. This is because we neither have the environment of role-models, nor the caliber of teachers and rabbis that make it unacceptable for anyone to abandon Torah values. We can no longer  feel superior and guiltless about the conduct of our fellow Jews. The environment and teachers we are producing are sometimes responsilble for lower standards of Torah commitment. We may be judgmental about peoples’ actions, but never about them. (The Tomer Devorah series will continue to explore the extent and the limits of these ideas of unconditionality.)

I would like to say to you though, to apply these thoughts to yourself and your family too as you reflect in shul about the year(s) gone by. Do not be too hard on yourself. Yes, we all know how much better we could have been and how much higher we could have strived to be. We will try to understand where we went wrong and how to rectify it. We will all try to do better next year. However, remember the conditions under which we are living. Remember the Katuv Hashlishi that explains, even if it doesn’t justify, why we did the things we did. We too are living in an atmosphere vacuous of true role-models. The religiousness we see about us is often not religiousness we can identify with. The fault is not always our own. The Rabbinic leaders around us, doing the best they can to educate a thirsty generation, are not always the people we aspire to be ourselves. Sometimes we are disappointed and even disillusioned with our institutions and their leaders. The value system of many of the societies in which we live have corroded. We see ugliness, violence, immodesty and nastiness all around us.

That is not to say that we do not also see acts of heroism and self-sacrifice. Of course we do. But saintliness is not the norm in our generation. Judgementalism has replaced love in many of our religious institutions, and tolerance of almost everything has replaced love in the secular environments in which we live. Wherever we look, we lack inspiration.

Once more, that does not exonerate our conduct and sometimes lack of accomplishment, but it often explains it. We should show ourselves some mercy too. On Yom Kippur we should understand the challenges of our lives. We should congratulate ourselves for the many wondrous achievements we have accomplished. We should seek those accomplishments out in our Cheshbon Hanefesh, just as we seek out our failures. Understanding ourselves empathetically we should stride into the New Year ready to reach heights we never before imagined possible, despite a world that often celebrates mediocrity and moral failure. We will seek out those that do inspire us and we will inspire those around us. We all have exhausted donkeys with which we need some help. We will help our brothers and sisters reload their exhausted donkeys, we will do that with love and caring no matter what else they have done. This is not a time to judge each other. This is a time to feel for one another, to reach out, to uplift and to inspire.

Thank you for taking the time to participate in my Torah learning on iAwaken. I wish you and your families an easy fast and a Gemar Tov.

[1] Devarim 22:4

[2] On Hilchot Deyot 6:3

[3] Quoted at the end of Ahavat Chessed