Bereichit 48:10-11; and Seforno 48:10
The Power of Sight
We underestimate the power of seeing. Seeing the objective world around us is an undervalued activity; something few of us recognize as an activity at all. We rarely see one another truly, even in intimate relationships. Sometimes romantic couples will look deeply into one another’s eyes when they date, but that is likely to happen less frequently in the routine of their marriage. We are often preoccupied when we see, and so we see very little of what is around us; what is happening on any level deeper than the most superficial. Alternatively we are making judgments about what and whom we see, rather than just observing them as they are, experiencing them deeply and empathizing; truly connecting. Yet, it is possible to create even deeper personal intimacy with good visual contact than with close physical connection.
In verse 48:10 of our Parsha we learn of Yaacov’s blindness: “And Ya’aacov’s sight deteriorated from old age, he could not see.” However in verse 48:11 Yaacov talks thankfully of seeing both his son Yosef and his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe. “I had never expected to see your face, and behold Hashem has even shown me your children”. Could he or could he not see them?
The second statement is made only after he drew his grandsons near, kissed them and hugged them. The Seforno[1] explains that since he could not connect with them visually, he needed the hugs and the kisses to create a physical conduit for the flow of berachafrom him to them. He was unable to see with his eyes, but clearly seemed able to “see” them after he held them close and kissed them.
It is interesting that the physical contact of hugging and kissing his grandchildren gave Yaacov the sense of having seen them. But even more noteworthy is that from the Seforno it appears he only hugged and kissed them because he could not see them. Had he been able to see them, he would have used sight as his preferred method of contact. Seeing them would have created closer contact and greater intimacy than holding them close.
Seeing with Bare Attention
Not all seeing is an act of intimacy. We need to strip our seeing of all judgment, and focus exclusively on it to really use seeing both to express self and understand others. Seeing (or listening) with “Bare Attention” is a very helpful skill that we use in our consulting practice to help people see and hear others before making assumptions and judgments. This enhances the clarity with which people see and hear, and helps them empathize more deeply. The judgment can come later if needed, and will likely be more accurate and more helpful then. The practice developed in the East as part of Vipassana meditation, but it has always been an accepted part of Torah life. It is key to the principles of Eydut (testimony), and to the way we learn: the need to first understand peshat (the straight forward meaning of the text), for example, without any interpretations, assumptions and personal overlays of meaning. It is part of the wisdom of Nachum Ish Gamzu in his acceptance of circumstance for what it is without judgment other than his famous response of gam zu letovah (this too is for good).[2]
Visual Intimacy
Yaacov would have preferred to look his grandsons in the eye. Therein he would have seen their essence - “The eye is the window of the soul”[3], and through that visual contact he could have connected with them profoundly. He could have hugged them with his eyes. He could have kissed them with his eyes. That is the power of sight. This is some of what we mean when we thank G-d each morning for giving us the power of sight, in Pokeiach Ivrim (“He who gives Insight to the ‘blind’ ”). We do not thank Him merely for letting us see, we thank Him for the wisdom and insight he has given us through the way we see the world and those around us. We need to use that insight, most of all with those close to us.
Try seeing the people around you, your spouse or your children. Take some time out from all other distraction, just a few seconds will do, look deeply into their eyes and hold that glance for a precious moment as you feel their essence and understand their feelings in that moment. Hug your loved ones and kiss them…with your eyes.
Notes:
[1] 48:10
[2] For more on Nachum Ish Gamzu listen to Ta'anit 21a: Seize the Moment! New insights from the teachings of Nachum Ish Gamzu into Pain and Prophecy - Trust and Miracles (January 31, 2007) at http://www.iawaken.org/shiurim/view.asp?id=6429
[3] The phrase was coined by 19th century American sculptor, Hiram Powers. Similar comments however date back to Cicero and earlier. The claim has gained scientific credibility since the publication Mats Larsson’s paper, “Iris Patterns and Personality” in 1998 in Oslo, Sweden.
